What you need to know
- Support from friends and family can play an important role in recovery. Research shows that involving loved ones in treatment for substance use disorder can help improve outcomes.
- Experts say it’s important to understand that addiction is a chronic medical condition, not a choice.
- Friends and family members of people with SUD need support, too. There are many resources, such as support groups, available.
If you have a friend or family member in recovery from substance use disorder (SUD), you’re not alone. A 2023 KFF poll found that 66 percent of adults in the U.S. have been affected by addiction, either personally or through a family member.
Support from friends, family members, and other loved ones can play an important role in recovery. Research suggests that involving loved ones in SUD treatment can help improve outcomes.
“Everyone’s [recovery] looks different,” says Heather Sonnenburg, a peer doula at Project Nurture, an Oregon-based program that supports pregnant people living with SUD, who’s in recovery herself. “It’s not an easy road for sure, and there might be bumps in the road, but it doesn’t mean that that person’s not trying because we’re human.”
Here are ways you can support a loved one in recovery while also taking care of yourself.
Recognize that addiction is a medical condition, not a choice
One of the most important parts of helping a loved one in recovery is understanding that addiction is a chronic medical condition, just like diabetes or heart disease.
“People use drugs, and they continue to use drugs because it provides something for them, and then eventually they develop a tolerance and dependence, such that they feel incredibly sick and ill when they don’t use,” explains Dr. Jessica Calihan, a pediatrician specializing in adolescent and addiction medicine at Mass General Brigham and an instructor at Harvard University. “It’s not a behavioral choice.”
Take care of yourself first
Friends and family members of people with SUD need support, too. They can experience significant stress, social isolation, and fear, which can worsen their mental health.
Support groups and other resources can help. SAMHSA’s guide for families navigating mental health and substance use care includes organizations led by people who have personally supported loved ones, as well as other resources. Some include:
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Offers mutual support meetings for people affected by someone else’s alcohol use.
- National Federation of Families: Offers peer support for families led by people with lived experience, as well as a family peer specialist certification.
- SMART Recovery Family & Friends: Offers online and in-person meetings that help people with loved ones with SUD develop communication and coping skills.
- Nar-Anon Family Groups: Has a 12-step program for family members and friends of people with addiction.
- National Association for Children of Addiction: Provides resources, support, and training for people affected by alcohol and drug use, including kids and teens, caregivers, and adult children.
“Support groups are very important, at least in the earlier stages of recovery, for everybody involved,” says Sonnenburg.
Michael Bradley, a Pennsylvania resident who’s been in recovery for four years and founded Aftercare Compass, a platform that supports care workers in finding long-term recovery providers, says that along with seeking support, families should also set healthy boundaries.
“It’s about loving them, supporting them, setting boundaries … and helping themselves,” he says. “People who are supporting those loved ones [also] need to fill their cup.”
Communicate without judgment and offer support
Communicating openly and without judgment can make a difference. Supportive language like, “I’m here for you” or “I respect the work you’re doing” can acknowledge a person’s efforts without making assumptions about what they need.
It’s also important to ask questions. Because everyone’s recovery is different, Bradley recommends questions like, “How are you doing today?” or “How can I support you?”
“It’s a very difficult thing to do, to not make assumptions that [someone’s] not doing well,” he says. “[But you can] take a pause before [you] react [and think], ‘Is this going to get the outcome that I really desire? What do I really want from this interaction?’”
Bradley adds that listening and trying to understand a loved one’s experience can make it easier to know how to support them.
“The more conversations you have, and the more you’re willing to look and understand where they’re coming from … the more you understand how to support them.”
Recovery is not one-size-fits-all
“For some people, [recovery] may look like groups and rehab and individual therapy and medications,” Calihan says. “For other people, it may look like engaging in meaningful activities, so getting a job again, doing good with their families, working on hobbies, working on exercise.”
There’s no single path to recovery, and what works for one person may not work for another. Supporting a loved one means listening to what they say works for them rather than assuming what their recovery should look like.
“I think one thing we can do is meet people where they are at, recognize what they feel is best and works for them, and then support that,” Calihan says.
Be their “safe person” in situations that may be triggering
Some situations or social events may be difficult for a person in recovery, especially if substances are present. Ask what they’re comfortable with and respect their decision if they aren’t ready to attend or need to leave early.
It’s important to let people move at their own pace without making them feel ashamed for saying no, Sonnenburg says.
You can also offer to be their “safe person” in situations that may be triggering. For example, if someone in recovery from alcohol use disorder is attending an event where alcohol will be served, you can make a plan together for what to do if they become uncomfortable or want to leave.
Sonnenburg suggests saying, “I am your safe person. If it becomes too much, just tap me on the shoulder and say, ‘I gotta go,’ and I’ll come with you.”
Help them stay safer if they use substances
Recovery can include setbacks or a return to substance use. If a loved one is using substances, there are steps you can take to help reduce their risk of overdose and other harms.
Because SUD can involve physical dependence, some people may continue using substances until they are ready or able to seek treatment. In the meantime, harm reduction strategies can help keep them safer.
Harm reduction strategies can include carrying the overdose-reversing medication naloxone—often known by the brand name Narcan—and using test strips to check drugs for the presence of drugs like fentanyl and xylazine.
“Giving them strategies to keep them alive and safe and relatively well while they’re using, like harm reduction strategies, is not enabling their use; it’s just allowing them to stay alive,” Calihan says.
People may become ready to make changes to their substance use at different times, and it can be difficult to know what will lead someone to seek treatment, Calihan says.
“I think in the meantime, we can just be compassionate for people,” she says.
If you or a family member is seeking SUD treatment, talk to your health care provider or contact SAMHSA’s National Helpline (1-800-662-4357).
This article was supported by Life Unites Us, a health campaign that receives funding from the Pennsylvania Department of Drug and Alcohol Programs. Public Good News retains full editorial control over its reporting.